To wear or not to wear, the ring that is...

Dear Amateur Bride:

I was recently proposed to with a gorgeous (and expensive) engagement ring. When should I be wearing this ring now, and when it is ok to remove it?

Sincerely,

Worried klutzy bride

Dear Worried klutzy bride:

Well, first of all, is your ring insured? You should try to do that as soon as possible, especially since there is a chance your ring might be worth more than your car. Imagine the devastation of losing it down the drain in a public restroom because you rested it on the counter while washing your hands. For starters, I’d try to keep it on your finger in all public restrooms for that reason. Hopefully the ring is a perfect fit and won’t slide off with the soap.

Now, besides being careful of leaving it or dropping it in a public venue, such as a park, beach, crowded bar, or parking lot, there are a couple of other hazards to taking off your ring. You leave yourself vulnerable to the sketchy old man at the grocery store hitting on you in the melon section again without that ring on (it may not stop that man, but it should hopefully deter some of his type). Another hazard is getting interrogated by your fiancé as to why you took it off. To combat, wear the ring as often as possible when in public where men are abundant. The health club, any bar in Scottsdale, and Best Buy are some examples.

On the other hand, there are definitely times when you’ll benefit by taking off the ring. By benefit, I mean save yourself some bizarre scratches and bruises. For one, although wearing it while sleeping seems romantic, if you sleep anything like I do you will find some scratches in the morning. Another dangerous situation would be WHILE doing some types of workouts. Zumba, for one, involves rapid arm and hand movements. Until you are used to having that ring on your hand, watch out for surprising catches. Another time I’ve had an issue with wearing the ring is while doing my hair, because my hair gets caught in it when I run my fingers through. This includes showering. The final situation where taking off your ring is beneficial is when eating extremely messy finger foods. Tacos, chicken salad sandwiches, ribs, S’mores, all foods that will get caught in your ring. 

What it really comes down to is where you’re comfortable NOT wearing the ring or uncomfortable WEARING the ring. In the heat of AZ, it could get stuck on your finger at times. While camping, if you tie it to the drawstring in your shorts, make sure you remember it is there (you know, while eating S’mores). Just a smattering of examples of situations to consider. To safe adornments!

Sincerely,

Amateur Bride

Date and Location?

The questions were immediate. "When's the date?!" I don't know! I have an idea of what I want, but a decision like this requires some major research. 

This is literally what I have struggled with the most, brides. Some of you probably have lived in the same place your entire life, and have attended the same church, and have “always wanted to get married” somewhere special from your childhood or current home, or even a spot that has significance in your relationship.  I do not have a connection to one place. I have a connection to many places.

The background to this struggle comes from two key points. One, my fiance’s family has a propensity for beach weddings with 2/4 siblings getting married barefoot. Two, there is one place that I have lived that stands yards above the other places—the mountains. 

For the first point, I did not want to do the “same ol’ thing” and get married alongside the ocean. However, Kyle loves the water and would be thrilled to have a barefoot wedding.

For the second point, a mountain wedding means a destination wedding of my dreams. But reality keeps trying to butt in and stop me from following those dreams to be “practical” about location.

And along with location comes the elusive date. Some people choose a date, and then search for an open location for that date. I wanted to choose location before date. Some things to consider for those of you in the planning stages: Mountains mean chilly (even in July), so indoors is preferred. Mountains also mean gorgeous views, so outside is essential. See my dilemma.

Add to this the complication of wanting fall color for my wedding back drop. It is literally impossible to plan for mother nature. If it is an Indian summer next year, we will have heat and greenery. If it is unusually cool, we'll have snow. But I want yellow leaves. This is one of those things where I won't be able to freak out when it "goes wrong". Even if the leaves are brown and on the ground, the mountains should still be pretty! At least I hope.

So, after flying to Colorado, visiting numerous venues, and getting estimates, the place and date are still elusive in this wedding planning process.

 

One month down!

We have officially been engaged for a whole month! It feels like it has gone by so fast, but at the same time it seems like forever ago when we were in Chicago. Since then I have busily been gathering wedding ideas (see upcoming posts), basking in the excitement of spreading the news, and then had to completely switch gears to start a new school year.

Tonight was our school's open house (I know it is July, but we have a modified year-round calendar, so we only had six weeks over the summer), and I actually had one parent come to "see my ring" because she got the whole story from her daughter who is one of my students. I was so excited at the enthusiasm of my students this year, as well as their parents, that it was less painful to spend our "month-iversary" apart while I was at work.

I came home from work and Kyle was watching The Proposal. For two reasons this was odd. 1. Kyle was watching a chick flick (and claimed he had no idea what movie it was) and 2. Because of the irony of the subject and our special day. 27 Dresses is actually on next, but I probably won't make it through that one due to an earlier wake-up call. Well, we did wind up getting to celebrate a bit together with a treat of Yoasis Frozen Yogurt and a toast to our first month. It should have been champagne, now that I think of it.

I am actually glad at this moment that I still have 13 months and then some to enjoy this time. Through all the ups and downs of being engaged and wedding planning, I am still completely overwhelmed by the excitement I feel about marrying Kyle and moving forward in our lives together.

Celebrating Part I

When you have been dating for over 6 years, I believe that your family and friends are even MORE impatient than you are when it comes to waiting for the engagement. Therefore, it was no surprise that within hours of landing in Phoenix we had a week of dinner dates and happy hours booked. If you want to boost your self-esteem, get engaged and wait until everyone wants to look at you. (Ok, maybe just your ring, and the pictures of your engagement if you are fortunate enough to have it documented, but you still reap the benefits).  However, contradictory to the wedding “plan” of trying to lose weight, the first week made it nearly impossible to be healthy with the inundation of food and drink. Don’t worry, it dies down.

The coolest part of my first week was that my mom was in town, so  I got to share in the exhaustive celebration with her, and my dad also got to meet me in the airport for a margarita, so my parents were really the first people to see me when I was newly engaged and still beaming. (Don’t get me wrong, I am still smiling, just intermittently between tears and anxiety).

Overall, beginning to think of planning a wedding you've been looking forward to for 6 years, and seriously planning for over a year, is completely overwhelming. Where do you start? Well, my friend Bev who just got married handed me about a year's worth of bridal magazines to start with. But if I open one I get through about 25 pages before that, too, is overwhelming. 

So, needless to say, the beginning of this engagement feels crazy overwhelming, but at the same time I couldn't be more in love and more excited at the prospect of moving on with my life and starting my own family!

The engagement hangover

I have never done a hard drug in order to know what it feels like to come down from a major drug binge, but I imagine it feels somewhat like the morning after I got engaged.

First, bed time was delayed because of the middle of the night phone calls and Google chat sessions. Then my nerves got so jumbled with the excitement of the news, and getting to tell everyone who wasn’t awake at that time, that falling asleep was nearly impossible. I eventually drifted off, however it was short lived as I awoke at the crack of dawn (literally, I snapped a picture of the sunrise off the Chicago skyline), and lay there awake with butterflies of excitement waiting to tell my brother and sisters. Kyle and I had also decided to hold off on going FBO until I got to talk to my siblings. So, I contemplated how I would break the news to the Facebook world later on in the morning. Add to all this the anticipation of having to pack, fly home to Arizona to be greeted by my parents at the airport, and getting to show everyone back home in person the gorgeous ring I just received.

Through all of this elated emotion I felt like I was run over by a Mac truck. I had a massive headache (could probably be caused by the champagne the night before, or tequila…) and a stomach ache that was probably my stomach craving a Chicago style dog before leaving, or needing water desperately.

Then the exhaustion set in. After sharing the exciting news with my plane neighbors, I took as much of a nap as I could on a plane, and then landed, had a margarita with mom and dad, tried to maintain the happiness without the tears creeping in (of joy of course), had Mexican food with mom, picked up Kyle from the airport (because we were not even on the same flight), went to our favorite bar to meet his family for more drinks, and then I hit the wall. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I wanted to lay my head of the giant bucket of peanuts in the middle of the bar table and snooze.

If the rest of the engagement is going to be this tiring, I am making an appointment at the court house very soon.

A picture of the sunrise- see I told you!

1st hour of engagement survival guide

Here are 11 tips from me and Kyle to help you survive the first hour of your engagement:

1.  Try to get engaged before 1 a.m. so you don’t have to wake up so many people, but if you must get engaged late in the night, make sure that the time difference between where you are at the time and your home is going to help solve this problem.

2. Have your phone nearby so you can immediately pick it up to call someone to tell them the news. It is also helpful because you forget about the number of people you need to tell until you consult your contacts. Don't let that number deter you from getting engaged due to the sheer number of contacts you have... a mass text will work.

3. A mass text is also a great form of communication so that everyone who is "important" is also "the first to know". You won't leave anyone off, unless they don't have a cell phone with text. And if they don't, why in the world are you friends with them? :)

4. Buy the bar a round of tequila shots after the deed is done, and then take at least 3 of them yourself.

5. Suggest that the bar change the music to romantic, wedding-themed music. But don’t dance to the music, save that for the wedding. You’re too drunk to make it look good, and everyone is looking at you, trust me.

6. Oh, by the way, get engaged at a bar or some other public institution where alcohol is served so that there are many witnesses in case the man freaks out and changes his mind, and it is preferable if someone around you has a camera to document the occasion, the pictures are priceless!

7. When you DO talk to family and friends, tell them as many details about the event as possible, because you will remember nothing (mostly due to the cheap champagne and tequila) and you will appreciate them filling you in later.

8. You’re not going to sleep that night if it is at night, or probably even if it was in the wee hours of the morning, unless you are the man, then you’re work is done here.

9.  Remember to look at something other than the beautiful ring on your finger. Perhaps the man who put it there. He is feeling neglected now.

10. DO NOT go FBO (Facebook Official) until all your relatives and close friends know. Who wants to find out about that on the internet? Besides, you’ll get TWICE as many wall posts that day as on your birthday, or the entire year combined, so give yourself time to mentally prepare.

11. Oh yea, you just got engaged. Love each other a little! Enjoy this moment. Don’t forget this feeling as you will need it to help you get through the wedding planning that is ahead.

A short engagement play

Continued from previous post…

My good friend from college, and bridesmaid, Kaycee, game me the alias“Nancy Drew” due to my many ditzy moments throughout our college years. I am not a stupid person, but I easily get distracted in my thoughts, so sometimes I don’t catch on to things quickly. The 5 minute-delayed “Aha!” moments earned me the nickname I so love. My engagement was a Nancy Drew moment for me.

We got dressed up  for a night out at Second City for some improv comedy. As we were running a little behind schedule (no surprise) we didn’t have time to eat until after the show. While at dinner at 9:00 p.m., Kyle and my coworker Jill were a little more than usually giddy. Here is how the next hour went:

My internal thoughts: “Hey, Jill and Kyle sure are drunk. It is getting to be a little ridiculous. They can’t even choose what to eat without laughing.”

Kyle: “Hey Jill, wouldn’t you like to order the Shepherd’s Pie” [pointing at the item on menu with my engagement ring on his finger teasingly].

My internal thoughts: “Why does Kyle keep opening the menu up over and over?”

Jill and Kyle: “We HAVE to go try Dugan’s Irish pub tonight because it is our last night in the city.”

Me: “Oh, but I am so very tired and do not need any more to eat or drink.”

Fast forward an hour to the little Irish pub outside our hotel.

Kyle: “I’ll go order drinks, you girls pick a table.”

Jill: “Let’s sit at this table that opens up onto the street.”

My internal thoughts: “So we can stare at Walgreens instead of the crowd? I am only doing this because it is tradition, you know, Kyle!” Side note: Kyle and I find Irish pubs in all cities to talk with the locals and enjoy our favorite beverages.

I go to the bathroom, Kyle is still at bar. I come back and a random man is sitting at our table and there are still no drinks.

Me: “It is time to go, this bar is way too slow at serving the 12 people that are here.”

Kyle: “I know, seriously, they are slow, but I ordered drinks I promise!”

My internal thoughts: “Maybe Kyle is so gone that he thought he ordered drinks, or the bartender took the order but won’t serve my crazy boyfriend and coworker!”

[At this moment the man sitting at our table is brusquely removed by the bartender and taken down the street a ways]. 

My internal thoughts: “I wonder how many times this drunk man has harassed the patrons to the point of being removed from one’s table.”

[The other bartender brings over three glasses of champagne and the bottle. It is Cooks.]

Me: “What the hell is this!? This isn’t cider or Guinness!!”

Kyle: “They were out of Guinness.”

My internal thoughts: “What kind of freaking Irish bar is this and why in the world is my boyfriend ordering a bottle of champagne when he knows I didn’t even want another drink. Oh well, I’ll toast to our last night in Chicago!”

Jill: [Looking at me strangely] “Cheers to Chicago and Ken (our principal)!”

Kyle: [Strangely NOT looking at me] “Giggle.”

The rest of the bar: [Staring at me as I take sips of the champagne and toast my friends].

My internal thoughts: “What the hell is going on here?! Why is everyone giggling and looking at me?! This whole town is f-d up right now, aren’t they!?”

Music changes in the background from hard core rap and hip hop to, what the heck is this, Barry Manilow?! I notice Jill has my camera and is taking photos. Not odd to me, because I am always taking photos, so I smile for the camera as I toast!

Kyle: “Ooh! Read what is written on the glass!”

My internal thoughts: [Reading the etched glass]” How sweet, a free gift from the alcohol distributor.”

Me: “Totts. It isn’t even the same brand as the other cheap champagne we are drinking.”

INSERT “AHA” MOMENT HERE

Me: “What is that?!” [seeing ring on bottom of glass, wondering how I missed it up until this point, laughing slightly with embarrassment].

Kyle: “I don’t know, but if you want it you have to finish your glass first.”

Me: “How am I supposed to chug Cooks?!”

Kyle: “You better if you want me to propose.”

I try to use my finger to get it out at this point, but as we know champagne glasses are tall. I am laughing, crying, champagne is coming out of my nose, and I am trying to ignore the patrons’ stares. Then, the chugging begins.

Kyle: “We’ve been a lot of places and we’ve been in a lot of places. Irish pubs are one of the places we always feel comfortable in wherever we happen to be. I wanted to propose someplace that had special meaning to the both of us.”

Me: “And you chose DUGAN’S?!”

Kyle: “Will you be the one?” [Sliding ring on my finger]

I said no. :)

End note: The actual speech Kyle gave was much more involved. If you’d like to see it, he has a copy of it on his Droid. Yes, he had it written out and pre-approved. And it was 100% Kyle style.